People who have friends but feel like they aren't anyone's *best* friend: What are your thoughts on that?
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"It's honestly the worst feeling when you come to the realisation, your heart sinks and stomach gets this empty feeling, I realized it on my birthday when I planned a snow day and the day ended up being all about one of my "friends" everyone taking pictures of him enjoying himself and following him around, and at the end of they day legit one of them said "oh it's your birthday?" I'm a dude and felt like crying on the spot, And then next year I thought I would give it another crack, all my friends rocked up a hour late sat on the couch and watched the footy, they had all privately planned to go to clubbing after that, the party started at 6 and they all left by 8 i spent that birthday drunk, alone and miserable, Yet they got upset at me for missing one of their birthdays cause I had work and couldn't get it off, after typing this I've realized I don't think I have any actual friends let alone best friends "
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My whole life I've always been the third wheel in best friendships. I've never really felt like I fit or belonged with any group. The one person who I can say is my absolute best friend, and says I'm theirs, is my SO. It's strange that the one person I feel I fit in with and click with is him, but that's who it is. I'm incredibly happy about it. But, when the time comes, I can't exactly ask him to be my maid of honor. He already knows exactly who he'd have for groomsmen. I have at least one friend in mind. But otherwise I have no idea.
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I had to take a step back from a lot of the things my friend group liked to do because I had some health issues pop up. It is hard to go out to bars and clubs, which is all they really want to do, when I get fatigued so easily. What I realized at that time is that while I thought I had a few very close friends, I just really had people to go out with. They've stopped inviting me to things because I don't have the ability to do what they want to. They only take me up on invites out to eat or do something more low key every so often. It's always nice to catch up and get out of the house, but I know now if I really needed them, they wouldn't really be there for me. It's been depressing honestly... and it's so hard to make new friends as an adult.
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Kinda sucks. Just a seesaw of wow, I may have a best friend, and then, fuck I thought he was my friend guess not. I had who I thought was my closest friend talk to me on discord, just to invite someone else into the call and spend the whole time talking abt plans they had for the next day. Basically everyone was going to except me. And I am a very low-confidence, insecure, anxious person so I was very slow to make friends and at this point I was at one of my happiest. Then I fell apart n cried.
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It sucks honestly ( I'm in my early 20s), I have friends I have been in almost constant contact with for the whole 20years and a few for atleast 10 years each(group of 7 friends). We were neighbors and classmates meaning we hung around a lot. But honestly I know that if push came to shove and they had to choose between me or any of the others none of them would pick me , I doubt I would even be the 5th or 6th pick. It honestly pretty demoralising to know you can't confide in someone with a complete sense of trust.
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It used to bother me a lot but then I realized there's no use worrying about it and got over it. You just value the relationships that you have, which aren't any less great because of it.
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I learned to live with it. It's like this my whole Life
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To be honest I'm not sure if my answer is even valid. I've had trouble making friends until 6th grade but even then I felt lonely and almost incompetent. It want the friend that was the problem, it was me having the mentality that all and anyone can leave me at any moment without an explanation, so I just became okay with the feeling of not being anyone's best. I have friends who call me their best friend, but I'm still doubtful as I haven't known them as long as their other friends have.
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I just gotta live with that. I cant force people to like me any better. I dont even need to be someone's one best friend, but being appreciated to the same extend I appreciate my friends would be nice. But I cant force that so I try to not think about it too much. Every once in a while I get really insecure about it though and have a hard time with it
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