What were the first subtle signs, or ""red flags"", that someone in your life wasn't very good?

look, after living for a while, you start noticing patterns. the biggest red flag for me has always been how they treat people who can't do anything for them. if someone is super polite to me but acts like a jerk to a waiter or someone in a service role, that tells me everything i need to know. it shows their true colors because they think they don't have to put on an act for those people.

another thing is the constant victim mentality. if every single person in their life is "crazy" or "out to get them," the common denominator is usually them. at 37, i've learned that if someone never takes accountability for their mistakes, it's only a matter of time before they start blaming you for their own messes too. they'll make you feel like you're the one losing your mind when things go sideways.

also, keep an eye on people who talk bad about everyone else in their circle when they aren't around. if they're dishing out secrets or trashing their "best friend" to you, they are 100 percent doing the exact same thing to you when you walk out of the room. it’s just a lack of character that never really goes away, no matter how charming they seem at first.