You're writing a guide for how to NOT survive in the woods. What are some tips you put in it?
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"In a pinch a makeshift hammock can be made from a tree and a length of rope. Make a tight knot around a tree branch and with the remaining rope fashion a tactical "noose". Place you're head through the rope and drop 5 or 6 feet towards the ground. Then frantically grasp at your neck until you succumb to a peaceful wilderness slumber. "
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Pet anything with fur. It's nature anything fluffy is affectionate and loving
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Definitely don't make sure you have warm clothes available, get wet and stay wet, don't worry about drinking clean water, don't pay attention to the direction you're heading. PET THE BEAR. Ride the moose.
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""Having sex with fish is perfectly natural, after all, if it isn't meant to be fricked, why is it shaped like a fleshlight?" "
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When you get cold, lie down and take a nap. If you get lost, count to 2900.
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""Don't worry. That brightly colored orange and green caterpillar tastes exactly like a fruit gusher. Give it a try!" "
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""the only part of a copperhead you can eat is the head" "
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You can drink water without preparation, your body will sort the germs out
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