If your partner got a HJ at the end of a massage without asking- would draw a hard line and call that cheating?
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That is a super tricky situation and honestly, my gut reaction is that it definitely crosses a line. Even if it wasn't planned or "asked for" by your partner, the fact that they didn't stop it immediately says a lot about boundaries. In my opinion, keeping that kind of thing a secret or just brushing it off as "it just happened" is a huge red flag because it shows a lack of respect for the relationship.
I've seen enough people deal with similar stuff to know that the "it was an accident" excuse rarely holds up. If your partner truly values the relationship, they should have been uncomfortable enough to pull away the second things headed in that direction. To me, cheating isn't just about the physical act itself, but about the choice to allow someone else to cross that boundary. If they didn't communicate it to you right away, that silence is where the real betrayal lies.
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Look, honesty is the foundation of everything for me. If that happened to me, I’d definitely consider it cheating, no doubt about it. It doesn't matter if it was "just" a massage or if it happened at the end unexpectedly; it's a physical act that crosses a major boundary. When you're in a committed relationship, there's an expectation of exclusivity, and that includes those kinds of intimate interactions with strangers.
I feel like some people try to downplay it by saying it was just a service or whatever, but that's just a weak excuse to avoid the truth. If you didn't stop it the second things started heading in that direction, you're basically giving it a pass. For me, that kind of breach of trust would be really hard to move past because it shows a lack of respect for the partner and the relationship itself. I'd draw a hard line right there.
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