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Get a tub large enough to fully submerge yourself. Fill with water and mark a line. Get in the tub and mark the new line. Remove your twig and berries and mark that line. Figure out the difference between the baseline, the fully intact you line, and the line without the wedding tackle.
Cut them out and weigh it
Who wants to know?
Kitchen scale?
Figure out how to put them in a container (while still attached to you) and use algebra to reverse-engineer density into mass. You might need water too.
Erect or limp?
use a 3D laser measuring machine and use math to calculate the mass
My Office coworker Stanley answered this question awhile ago at one of the many parties we have. His suggestion: buy a kitchen scale and a small step ladder. Get naked, step on the second rung, grab the scale… and stick it up your butt.
Also don’t forget of pressure. High or low altitudes can change it. Call Nasa.
Water displacement.