You get a billion dollars if you can start a massive argument at your family’s Thanksgiving dinner. What’s your game plan?

Question

Jonie · Accepted Answer

"I can start 2 fights at one table. Talk about what a cunt the president is to my dad and tell my brother and my cousin how android phones are superior to Apple phones. When my husband and I were dating and he met my family the first time, I TOLD him to STEER CLEAR OF THE PHONE TOPIC. This mother fucker, goes to my brother and 2 cousins (brothers, 1 Android user the other Apple die hard) and goes "oh ), that's a nice Samsung!" Next thing I know, I hear the 3 men shouting about phones and see my husband walk away cracking up, like walking away from an explosion. "

Khongorzul · Answer

Both my sisters are vegan. It should be fairly easy

Stacy · Answer

"Oh easy. "Donald Trump is a pussy grabbing racist that Daddy Vladimir rides like the bitch he is. Only thing he's good for is getting all the nazi skinheads to publicly expose themselves." That should about do it. "

Brandy · Answer

Saying that video games don't cause violence. Seriously, some of my conservative family members are going nuts if you tell them video games don't cause violence

gul · Answer

Just bring up religion and politics and watch the sparks fly. Maybe throw in comments about how people should be more accepting of sexual orientations besides heterosexual too. That would certainly cause a ton of drama with a Catholic extended family with at least one hardcore atheist who LOVES arguments about religion. And it is mostly Republican too with a few opinionated Democrats sprinkled in. And a very homophobic crowd for sure.

Sisko-Liisa · Answer

Say why didn't we invite linda shes a nice girl.   She killed both her children half the family refuse to believe it.

Lisa Koehler · Answer

Make out with my grandma. My grandpa would be so pissed

Isella · Answer

I start talking about climate change, probably, or maybe announce to the world that I'm atheist. My own family knows, but I have no idea how my extended family will react since a good chunk of them are Roman Catholic with at least 1 climate change denier in there.

Silvester · Answer

First I'd buy some plane tickets, so me and my family would fly to a country, where Thanksgiving is a thing.

Antoinetta · Answer

Bring up the subject of my brother stealing my dads playboy magazine when we were younger. It had Vanna White in it.

Kalli · Answer

Good news! Me and my girlfriend aren't pregnant anymore.

EARLINE · Answer

""yeah I've been working as a drug dealer and I've had some issues lately so I robed grandma and grandpa and got all their money" and then I just let the shit show begin "

Christen · Answer

""The meat industry is cruel and ruining the planet. We shouldn't be eating turkey, we should all be vegan." "

Christin Friedmann · Answer

""Ya'll do know that with Aunt X's conversion to Catholicism in order to marry means she now thinks we're all going to hell, right?" "

Weera · Answer

I'm British so obviously we don't celebrate thankgsgiving but I would just start talking about how good labour and Jeremy Corbyn are compared to Tories and Boris Johnson.

Luke · Answer

Tell the drunk uncle he's a drunk

Marti · Answer

Start telling my aunt that racist jokes are a sign of underlying genuine racism

Ann · Answer

""I've decided to marry a man. I've been single this long because I'm gay. Also we're adopting a child." "

Brent · Answer

Talk about my mothers facebook friends

Tanja Faber · Answer

Can someone actually give me this challenge? I could do this in my sleep, and would also thoroughly enjoy calling everyone out on their bullshit

Marinna · Answer

Easy. I'd just show up.

Roscoe · Answer

Basically just start going down the list of calling people out on their bullshit. Ala Bianca Del Rio vs Laganja Estranja

Anna-Karoliina · Answer

Just showing up.

DORETHA · Answer

Hey mum and dad this is my boyfriend introduces them to a girl I'm a guy btw

Olle · Answer

When they say their usual homophobic bullshit about how God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve , I'll tell them in graphic details what I (f) did with my ex gf Eve. They don't know I'm bi. It would be a shit meet fan moment for sure!!

Martina Schultheiss · Answer

Release a couple of horny peacocks and horny turkeys.

Leigh · Answer

""So...politics, right?"  It's that easy with my family "

Eleanora · Answer

""Hey grandfather, what do you think of the impeachment hearings?" Immediately, a scale recreation of a nuclear test happens on top of our kitchen table. "

Srinual · Answer

Family. Secrets.

Supharat · Answer

We have decided to raise our infant as non binary until they decide what gender they identify as

Melanie Frueh · Answer

Just bring up a particular individual who likes using twitter.

JENICE · Answer

""I voted Democrat" or "I'm dating a black girl"  (Both are true) "

Worthy · Answer

HOLDS BREATH It's cruel and unnecessary to kill and eat animals. (Money please!!)

Petra Schroder · Answer

Mom, Dad, I'm gay.

Halvard · Answer

""A hot dog is a sandwich." "

Miisa · Answer

""so what's up with all those privileged millenials in Hong Kong crying and protesting? China's really not that bad.." "

Ansel · Answer

Show up with a planned parenthood sticker on my shirt. Also drink a cup of coffee in front of them. (They're all mormon and think coffee is of satan.) If I really wanted it to be bad, I could talk about me getting my missed vaccinations (parents are antivax)

Gonca · Answer

My family would require a slightly different approach. I would bring up how great and wonderful the Clintons are and how the impeachment hearings are going great.

Evolet · Answer

I'm just going to show up wearing a Bernie Sanders button.

Namat · Answer

""Mom, Dad, Grandma... I'm gay and I have HIV." "

Melba · Answer

Literally just insult everyone

Taiju · Answer

Bring up politics. Saves a ton of money on Christmas shopping too.

Sombun · Answer

What is wrong with you? Nobody should wear a hat at the dinner table!

CHANELL · Answer

Alternative: burn the MAGA hat at the dinner table

Tore · Answer

Opposite for me. I said I believed that everyone should have access to healthcare and I haven't heard from them since

Anna-Kaisa · Answer

Pffft easy. I don't even have to say a word.  (Anyone got a MAGA hat I can borrow? Can't guarantee what shape it will be in IF you get it back.)

Jules · Answer

Quietly eating my brought vegan food is usually enough

Haney · Answer

"9 simple words.  "Trudeau is the best Prime Minister we've ever had" "

Aleksia · Answer

"My 89% of my family are liberal/democrats from Californias. My young brother (24y/o), always the contrarian of the family, got very into politics with Trumps election and started adamantly following/believing Breitbart... he's now a staunch republican, believes white men are under attack, and in two gun clubs..... if I say the words "universal basic income" at least two dishes will be airborne within seconds. "

Brigitte Adler · Answer

I'm a lesbian and my wife's father is a terrible homophobe who now spends any family events that he's still invited to simmering with hatred and bigoted rage towards his own child, so I'm thinking I could do it in six words:  Your daughter calls me 'daddy' too.

Paulie · Answer

Anything regarding politics. Especially if I say something negative about trump.

Erhart · Answer

I'd ask my mom to explain why she thinks white people should be allowed to say the n word, or ask my sister's opinions on when Supernatural really starts to get going.

JESUSA · Answer

Announce I'm getting a billion dollars and I'm only sharing with my 3 favorite people. Can you guess my favorites?

Nuri · Answer

"With my family? "Hi" Edit: thanks! Apparently lots of folks think I'm their relative! Edit 2: wow. That's...a lot of upvotes! "

Leena-Marjatta · Answer

Invite my sister. That's it. Last time it got low-level violent after about 90 mins. Edit: Lots of you asking about the violence. I pushed her away from me because she was in my face, nose to nose, trying to get me to react to her tantrum. Then she attacked me, so I did a panicked girly kick to the shin. There's a massive backstory around my sister's behaviour towards me and my parents, but it's too long to go into here.

Annikka · Answer

""Trump, am I right?" Then sit in silence for the next 45 minutes of pure chaos and watch it unfold. "

Martina Bayer · Answer

We do not celebrate thanksgiving over here, but I honestly just would have to invite both of my parents at once...

Unnur · Answer

We need to legalize cocaine, heroin, and prostitutes. And I should be able to own a tank with live ammunition. Also, dad. You look like a narwahl that can't find the ocean again. Edit: now that many of you have pointed out that I CAN own a tank I'll amend this to a fully functional tank with live ammunition.

Johanna Maur · Answer

my parents are in their late 50s/early 60s from the former soviet union   i'll just talk about how i like guys now (i'm a guy).   thats it. that'll be enough.

KATHYRN · Answer

This is my new black girlfriend. She is muslim and is here on an asylum application.

Inga-Birgitta · Answer

"i'd say "CAN I SAY PRAYER PLEASE?!" PLEASE PRAY FOR ALL THE NAKED LADIES ON DAD'S PHONE. MAY THEY GET CLOTHES FOR THE MAN THAT KEEPS COMING TO HELP MOMMY, MAY SHE GET HELPED "

Earl · Answer

""Yeah mom so we've decided we aren't going to vaccinate our baby when he's born" "

Janina Kaestner · Answer

""yeah so i'm gay, uncle charles helped me discover that about an hour ago" "

Heike Cole · Answer

leave fake DNA test letter on the dinner table

Sophie Austerlitz · Answer

Talk about politics. Easiest billion dollars ever

shiva · Answer

First we would have to have a Thanksgiving dinner.  Then I would pay my sister 500k to not come to it.  After that all I have to do is sit back and watch.

Rahel · Answer

So Thanksgiving is the same, but I get a billion dollars? Best Thanksgiving ever.

Anna Nagel · Answer

""Grandma, why did you always favor Bob over all your other children??" "

Hailee · Answer

""I just won a billion dollars, and I don't think I'm going to share it with any of you." "

ELIZEBETH · Answer

""So, my wife and I have decided it's the perfect time to become full time missionaries in China. We're bringing the kids too." "

Collete · Answer

""My mother-in-law's Thanksgiving dinner tastes better..." "

Pia-Liisa · Answer

Easy, I just sit down and enjoy the meal. My mom will automatically take care of the rest

Martina Burger · Answer

""Growing up with you alcoholic parents was awful in so many ways for my brother and me. Let me describe them." "

Lena Urner · Answer

Is there a cutoff for how bad you can sin and still get into heaven if you repent near the end?

Nicole Boehm · Answer

You guys are getting paid?

Brigitte Biermann · Answer

This is free money. My opinion on literally any book, show or current event will do fine. The only way I can fuck it up is if I stay silent.

Loviisa · Answer

This is the fucking easiest billion ever.

Maj-Lis · Answer

All I have to do is show up. Guaranteed argument. But it's not worth it to me to have to go through that. I wouldn't go there, not even for a billion dollars. I've already survived decades of abuse. I don't need to go back and ask for more.

Janina Mayer · Answer

""It's ok to be LGBT" Thanksgiving would shut down real fast "

Alissa · Answer

""Die Hard is my favorite Christmas movie." "

Daune · Answer

Dad,... when you were away, mom cheated on you multiple time...

Wojciech · Answer

""Gay marriage should be legal everywhere" "Video games do not inspire violence and are fun to play, even as an adult" "You're going to a care home when you're no longer independent. I am not qualified to be a carer" "I don't want any of your material possessions when you die, just your money"  "

Charlton · Answer

Bring up abortion

Lea Baumgartner · Answer

I'm usually the calm voice of reasoning in my family, so I'd have to buck the trend by slapping my mom, wiping my smegma on the turkey in front of everyone and doing a PowerPoint presentation of my porn browsing history.

Anke Eberhart · Answer

""Your religion is bullshit and your politics are dangerous  you people should be castrated. Also pass the butter so I can keep it away from you fat fucks." "

Anna-Tuulia · Answer

"I was sitting at the table with my father the other day when I made a classic freudian slip. I meant to say, "Please pass the salt," but instead I said, "You putz, you ruined my childhood!" "

PHUNG · Answer

Showing up, I guess.

Asawer · Answer

""Who wants to check out my Ancestry DNA results?" "

Sievi · Answer

""My aunt makes better Turkey than this" "

Vivica · Answer

We have a bunch of 13 year olds coming over, so something about Fortnite I guess.

Hetti · Answer

""Who made this dry ass macaroni and cheese??" Edit: thanks so much for the awards! I'm glad we could all have a good laugh! Here's my favorite Mac and cheese recipe! "

Ardra · Answer

Stand up mid dinner, and throw a rock at the window

Lhena · Answer

"Start eating before the prayers and when they insult me I'll just say "well I'm an atheist." "

Angelika Wexler · Answer

"Call out my mom and sister for joining MLMs. Different ones, mind you, but they both claim to be adamantly against them, yet have the same "this one's different!" mentality for the ones they joined. Failing that, I'd just bring up LGBTQ rights in front of my bitchy aunt. "

Jilly · Answer

I'm British. I mention Brexit.

Mareena · Answer

Bring my boyfriend (I'm gay)

Jessica Ehrlichmann · Answer

""So... I'm not a big fan of this Jesus guy anymore." Edit: grammar. "

iwona · Answer

Hey, I don't believe in our church anymore and I'm bisexual.  I think my mother would physical remove me from the house

Jennifer Kortig · Answer

Tell everyone that I don't like my brother's wife.

Christine Adler · Answer

Earth isn't 6000 years. Vaccines are safe.

You get a billion dollars if you can start a massive argument at your family’s Thanksgiving dinner. What’s your game plan?

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