You are invited to be the guest of honor at a dinner, however the only people in attendance are all of your past sex partners. You must give a speech for 15 min, what do you say?

Question

JENNIFFER · Accepted Answer

It would have to be an open bar as well. Those four men are the last men I would ever want to see...ever all for different reasons. I would start the night by taking three shots of tequila, get my ass on stage, and start with the poem, A Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes, and then thank the three ex boyfriends for showing me how much I love kinky sex and losers with little to no future.  Then as the night wore on, I would scream at the hook up for putting the used condoms on my floor. MY TRASH CAN WAS RIGHT THERE ASSHOLE! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU CAN'T EAT PUSSY LIKE A GOD AND I DIDN'T WANT TO SPOON WITH YOU!

MASAKO · Answer

So long and thanks for all the fish!

Meliina · Answer

""If you didn't know about my sexuality when we were seeing each other, now you know." I'd listen for about 7 minutes while one of them proceeds to tell me that I'm an abomination and that his god hates people in the LGBT community but not lesbian porn. One of the other ones would set his anger against me aside to argue with this overgrown manchild and the quiet one would ask questions about movies while I try to talk over the bickering. I wouldn't get to speak much. "

Tonka · Answer

""All this food just for me?" "

Eiko · Answer

You're welcome, ladies. Ahem... Right hand

Jana Kastner · Answer

hello rightys and leftys to this magnificent evening...

dorthe · Answer

I've only been with two people in my life so it'd be a pretty exclusive dinner.

Najeba · Answer

Awkward silence fir twenty minutes while I eat the meal all alone. :)

Christin Bohm · Answer

Complete messes need extraordinary means of release... some are just more extraordinary than others.

Nannette · Answer

Nothing, because nobody is there.

Sabine Wolf · Answer

Can I at least have cardboard cut outs of my hand in each chair? because that would be a bit easier for me to visualize an audience

Beverie · Answer

""Hello everyone" [speaks to no one. Exeunt] "

kamilla · Answer

Well, looks like we got enough to play bridge.

Jessica Sanger · Answer

""Well bang, ok?" "

Simone Biermann · Answer

I would say: Uncle! I can not believe I'm doing this. I mean... Seriously bro. I think I just ruined everyone's dinner.

Abbi · Answer

You bitches stop talking to my wife.

Ingmar · Answer

I would decline the invitation.

Gloriane · Answer

This has happened. Said speech was more me convincing them not to kill each other. The remainder of the time was them teaming up against me...

Riitta-Anneli · Answer

My speech would involve me convincing #1 not to kill the rest (crazy ex girlfriend), reminding many of them that im that guy from that one night, and telling all but one that I regret ever doing it with them

Judie · Answer

Where'd everybody go?

Dhifaf · Answer

Now kiss...

Onlea · Answer

Wife, this is the EX, EX, this is the wife. Let's eat. (dinner, that is!)

Anne Fenstermacher · Answer

I'd probably be questioning who invited me to a dinner with my boyfriend and the asshole I lost my virginity to while simultaneously trying (perhaps half-heartedly) to get the asshole to stop crying like he always does whenever I see/talk to him for more than 5 minutes. It would be really freaking awkward.  I like how most of the responses are super awkward and involve 1-3 people.

SHONA · Answer

Looks like I'm eating alone tonight.

BARABARA · Answer

I would have a presentation detailing the many pros of orgies.

rama · Answer

Pretty fucking empty party. So I would get naked and dance around and probably masturbate to make myself feel better.

Carina · Answer

i would start off by asking 4 of them to leave, and then try to talk the other 5 into some group.

Tiitu · Answer

Ladies, good evening. But I digress...

NAKESHA · Answer

What exes? sob

Ringa · Answer

My girlfriend would be impressed if I wrote her a speech that long

SLYVIA · Answer

Hey [name], whats up? Still with that one dude? Okay, see ya!

Susanne Wirtz · Answer

I don't know, I'm pretty good at talking to myself...

HILDEGARD · Answer

Friends, Romans, countrywomen! Lend me your ears! I come not to praise Caesar, but to bury him. Guess what body part is nicknamed Caesar?

Chaim · Answer

...Cue cricket sounds

Rudaina · Answer

I would beg for 10 minutes for my most recent ex to take me back and then spend the last five with a q & a about everyone's lives. (Helen, if you're out there, I'm not over you. I miss you so.)

TESS · Answer

Just have a chat with my boyfriend. Yup. Just him.

Eustacia · Answer

I would recite the entire Ninja Sex Party song book, beggining with You can do us and ending in If we were gay Special emphasis on the breakdown in If we were gay Here's a list of things, that you asshole like to suck Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick  Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick BALLS Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick  Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick BALLS Edit* I'm actually friends with all my exes so yeah It'd be pretty funny

Diana Abend · Answer

Sadly I lost my virginity to my current partner so it would be the lamest circlejerk ever.

reidun · Answer

taps glass....ahem....AHEM...LISTEN, FOR FUCKING ONCE, LISTEN. Queue video.

Susanne Lehrer · Answer

I have several x's but only one that cheated on me so I think I'd go on for 15 min about things the rest of them were better at than her in bed.

JONE · Answer

I would seat them in order of dick size, then toast them one by one for a particular set of skills. Skip the ones who were bad at it.

Elvor · Answer

I would talk about my recent struggles with STD's.

Elsie · Answer

I would just be talking to my husband. Same as every night, I guess.

Klaudia Beyer · Answer

I'd just let the crickets chirp. There's nothing to be said to an empty room.

JOVAN · Answer

""Hand, what are you doing sitting there? This is a dinner, I need you to eat, get over here." "

THEA · Answer

I would describe each of their penises to the others. Because I'm an asshole.

Renelle · Answer

Dearly Beloved,  Thank you all for attending this dinner in my honor. Little did I know that I would be receiving such accolades for such a feat as putting my penis inside all of your vaginas. I will not stand up here and point out any specific vaginas, as that would make other vaginas feel bad.  You should all be proud of your lovely vaginas (and for many of you, your breasteseses).  I hope that I did not ruin you or your vagina in our sexcapades, and I look forward to never seeing any of you again (well, except you, my dear wife).  Thank you, and goodnight.

NILDA · Answer

""Why the fuck am I talking to my right hand?" Then sob uncontrollably for the remaining 14 minutes and 48 seconds. "

hanifa · Answer

""I don't know half of you as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you as well as you deserve." "

Fancie · Answer

15 minutes? I can talk to myself for hours on end.....

Rutledge · Answer

Some cough are born great, and others have greatness thrust into them. That would be my opening line.

Ellie · Answer

Be a pretty empty house...

Anelma · Answer

Ramble ramble... Finish with doesn't matter had sex with you all. It would be amusing to see their reactions as they look around at the others.

Elden · Answer

Thank you all for coming.

lua · Answer

Sup invisible bitches

Engracia · Answer

"I'd basically be like,"Currently-fatties, still-single-after-all-these-years, and working-at-the-mallers, I present to you my speech entitled 'Let Me Tell You What's Wrong With You.'" "

LEIGHANN · Answer

""Hello, everyone. How on earth did you get out of the basement?" "

FRIDA · Answer

aw jeez. I would have a lot of explaining to do to the 9 girls that aren't russian hookers

SUSANNE · Answer

I'd tell funny anecdotes from my time as a prostitute.

britha · Answer

""Good evening, everyone. I baked you a cake." /speech "

Eldon · Answer

Ive been inside all of you. But not at the same time, who's down for that now?

Davon · Answer

I'd probably spend that 15 minutes trying to get an orgy started

Liora · Answer

Hi K, Hi M, Hi...you... what's your name again?, Hi B, Hi K, Hi E, Hi J, Hi D. Ok D let's get the fuck out of here please. No, D please don't talk to them. I don't talk to your exes. Come on. Come on let's go. That restaurant across the street has good fish tacos.

Aparna · Answer

I would tell one specific ex just how much better all the other exes are.

ANDERA · Answer

Hi honey, let me tell you about my plans for our basement...

BELEN · Answer

""Hi name omitted. How are you? There... doesn't seem to be anyone else here." Then I might just sing Total Eclipse of the Heart. "

Myranda · Answer

pulls out cleaver. Cuts off right hand. Sets it in chair. Cleans cleaver, put away. Good, now that everyone is here...

Shay · Answer

I'd just give myself a hand.

LIBERTY · Answer

Good Evening everyone, thank you all for coming..

You are invited to be the guest of honor at a dinner, however the only people in attendance are all of your past sex partners. You must give a speech for 15 min, what do you say?

Melba

Anita

Audrie

Aurora

Carlina

Delilah

Loella

Hewet

Klaudia Pabst

Anke Burger