Adults who were depressed kids or teens, what is it like to be here when you didn’t expect to make it this far? What would you tell your younger self if you could?

Question

Kathrin Hahn · Accepted Answer

I'm still struggling a bit to be honest... going on 18 years now. I honestly didn't think I'd even make it to 25 but I just turned 30... honestly having the mindset that I wasn't going to make it this far did more damage than good. I did reckless crazy shit I'm not proud of.  If I could, I'd go back to the girl I was when I was 12 years old and I'd hug her until all the pieces fit back together. Then I'd try and tell her what life would be like if she kept giving up on herself and try to help her find the direction she needed to get away from the negativity. I'd try to get her to understand that she's a beautiful, talented person and to never be ashamed of being herself... never be ashamed of standing up for herself... and to tell the people who hurt her exactly how they made her feel.  My heart breaks for that little girl who silenced herself at such a young age, and sometimes I still see her in myself today. I'm a bit stronger and wiser though. You can't silence me anymo

Arnold · Answer

It doesn't get better. They're lying to you.

GITA · Answer

Give up now. It only gets worse.

Nicole Ebersbach · Answer

Do your homework, take every opportunity offered you, no one worth anything is judging you, TRUST YOUR GUT and don't hang out with people who are lonely just to have friends.

MARAGARET · Answer

Everything your brain is telling you to do is right and it only gets worse.

Ninon · Answer

Hey you beautiful boy, Prozac works. Shut up and listen for a bit

Anja Schroder · Answer

"It's pretty surreal, honestly. I never thought I would make it to 18, let alone 28. Now I have a vague life plan (I say vague because there's always something that can happen to change things) and hopes and dreams for the future. On to my teenage self... Don't listen to your parents about how it's "just puberty" once you realise something is wrong. Change doctors to the one you have now, as she's working at the same clinic at the time. Make an appointment behind your parents' back and tell her everything. Don't be afraid of medication. She's nice, and she understands mental illness. She doesn't want to hospitalise anyone unless absolutely necessary, as she's experienced it with her sister before and knows how horrible it can be. Don't wait until you're 25 to see a psychiatrist, please. Bipolar needs to be treated with medication. Your life will be so much easier if you do it sooner.  "

Blithe · Answer

I was pretty depressed as a young teen and as i went though high school...I'm also a pretty depressed adult. Wait till I'm middle aged and ask me this question again.

Adalmina · Answer

"You don't need to prove that you're "over it" by taking on other people's problems. You can't fix the world, and you'll have a better impact being nice and reliable rather than trying super fucking hard to fix everyone's shit and ending up miserable "

indre · Answer

"I used to say I'd never see 18, I didn't care how I died I just didn't wanna be here anymore. I'm 27 now and I'm engaged to the love of my life. We're planning our wedding and I'm looking at finally going to college. I still don't like myself, but I am starting to see value in myself (my fiancee has showed me i'm a better man than I always believed). I wouldn't tell myself how life is gonna be so much better eventually (because I know myself and I'd never believe it). But I would tell me "talk to dad, you might think he knows nothing about being depressed because he's always so strong but that man knows what it's like to hate himself too".  "

NATASHIA · Answer

Get mental health services now and deal with your feelings.

THU · Answer

I'm 23 now, severely hit rock bottom mentally. If not a year or two from now, maybe 10 years. I pray we all look back at our comments from a happy perspective in life.

Hilliard · Answer

It gets worse.

Sisko-Liisa · Answer

Its nice to not be so depressed anymore. Id tell myself to start making myself uncomfortable on purpose more often to get used to dealing with stress, instead of running to alcohol and drugs which i did for years. Id probably have a better memory and mind in general if I found that out sooner

JAMA · Answer

Extreme emotion is a part of life. Knowing your limits is important, but trying to push beyond is just as important. You have food allergies. Life is not going to happen to you. Life is rather like a puzzle piece. You're not sure what the image looks like, but time forces you to place pieces as you go. Slowly, slowly, an image will form, and it will be because of all the puzzle pieces that have come before. Try your best to make that puzzle the best puzzle you can. Anxiety is fleeting. Control your emotions, take your lumps when you deserve them, but don't let that hobble you. This life is about trying your best. You will try. You may not reach as high as others but you must try.

SUSANNA · Answer

Don't bother, it really doesn't get any better

SERAFINA · Answer

End it while you still can. Once you have a family you're stuck in hell

BRYANNA · Answer

I am still young, and younger me certainly did not expect the 'me' now. I used to joke that I will never make it past 18 - lo and behold. I would tell younger me not to make decisions based on the expectations of others. Also, just because someone says no, it's not the end of the world - just keep trying.

Amory · Answer

They lied. It doesn't get any better. Just fuckin' end it.

Ihrene · Answer

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I would tell myself not to get formally involved with the mental health system. It didn't help any and now it's on my medical record. But no one will read this anyway.

Annikaisa · Answer

I wish I killed myself years ago. It would have been so simple back then, now I have so many people depending on me that I just can't leave anymore. It makes the depression far worse.

Nam-Oi · Answer

I grew up in a violent household which caused depression at an early age. By 9 I was self harming and suicidal, binge drinking and smoking at 14, addicted to opiates and doing a ton of hard drugs / failing out of high school at 17. I'm 26 now and am a substance use counselor for young folks. I love my job, I love working in a low income community (my community). I get to be the person that teenage me needed. It feels weird, and I honestly am struggling with mental health to the point where it is nearly impossible to get out of bed most days. But going through the pain, the years of school, and continually fighting depression is nothing compared to knowing that I'm trying my best to make a difference in other people's lives.

Minna-Maaria · Answer

It's ok to ask for help

Marcelia · Answer

Help others with literally anything doesn't have to be anything big

DANNETTE · Answer

Life doesn't truly start until after high school. The sooner you can re-invent yourself the better.

racha · Answer

If you ever feel like you're going to end it all, just sell everything, move to a random city, change your name, and start over. If you're going to end your life, at least start a new one. It's worth it.

Tim · Answer

The future will always be scary, but you'll find some good people to help you through.

Kevyn · Answer

""This was what you held on for," and if I could go back to younger me, I'd give her a photo of the little family she's made for herself. I'd tell her that she's not always going to be alone, and she won't be anymore.  "

Kira · Answer

I'm flabbergasted that I made it this far. Now middle-aged, I have to figure out how to dream new dreams  it's been a slow and gradual process of discovery. .  I would tell my younger self that I like sex. And good sex is in my future. And I am way funnier than I think I am. And I will meet people who change my life for the better. Most of all, I would tell my younger self that I am stronger and more gifted than I could ever imagine. Yup, that's exactly what I'd say.

Leah Fassbinder · Answer

I'd tell myself to speak up sooner about the abuse. Living without depression is strange and takes getting used to. Getting a break from that with some seasonal depression though.

Alexia · Answer

It's very very strange. I never expected to live this long. I don't know WHY I'm alive. I'm starting to get nervous because I'm told I could be here for another 80 years.....

Doris · Answer

I would tell myself that when you hit your mid 20's you're going to finally realize that 95% of the shit you allow to bother you doesn't matter AT ALL. I wish I had this epiphany in high school. Reputation is absolute bullshit. Nobody after high school gives a FUCK, including you. Stop obsessing over things that don't make you a better person. Don't smoke cigarettes & WEAR A CONDOM.

zelina · Answer

It's not you, it's them. Stop blaming yourself for other people's mistakes and get on with your life. You are not what they did to you.

Jennifer Furst · Answer

I still never know if I'm going to be that way again. Pretty scary. I won't allow myself to own a gun for this reason.

unna · Answer

It's definitely weird...I'm 24 and finally feel like things are starting to all fall together after being depressed and wanting to kill myself/die for as long as I can remember. I feel a couple steps behind the rest of my peers because I never really planned to still be around, but I'm learning to just accept where I'm at and appreciate the good things going for me no matter how small they might be. I would tell younger me to try and take things one day at a time, just because one thing goes wrong doesn't mean it's the complete end of the world and I have nothing to live for. That I'm stronger than I think and no matter what I always end up on my feet and ok. That not being able to do everything absolutely perfectly isn't a reason to not try things and hide from the world.

Johnna · Answer

Six years ago today, I was in the hospital after a suicide attempt. I felt utterly hopeless after a childhood of abuse and I didn't see the point. I hated myself and I truly thought I'd be better off dead. I'm so glad I'm still here today. I'm about to start my last semester of grad school, I have a wonderful boyfriend, and I have the most beautiful friendships. These past several years have been full of growth, joy, grief, fear, wonder, laughter, passion, grace, and an indescribable love for my people, my career, and this world. Life is a fucking mess that no one understands, but we'll all die one day so goddamn it let's live first.

Yvonne Roth · Answer

Get out ASAP and remember nothing was/is your fault! Get trauma based therapy as soon as you can and cut your folks off earlier you don't need that shit in your life. Don't bother with most drugs that's just a bandaid for your trauma. Save money you're going to need it for therapy!

Kelci · Answer

"It's a lot of hard work, but actually putting in the hard work and not blaming other people or circumstances for my own problems is a lot more worthwhile, liberating and healthy. I would probably say to myself, "The world isn't against you, you're working against yourself by being lazy and giving up before you even try and it's making you miserable. Also, don't let one person distract you from making a future for yourself and potential family. That person might not be around later, your future will always be there. Also don't just listen to one side of anything, listen to both sides of an argument, look at all the evidence and make up your own mind and you'll save yourself a lot of headaches and confusion." "

Stephanie Koch · Answer

"Cliche but... "It gets better. There's tons of sex in your future once you learn to just c h i l l o u t. "

Cosetta · Answer

I was supposed to be dead by 25 in some booze related mishap. Unfortunately I cant plan for shit so I accidentally ended up with a wife, a house, a kid and a career. Most of my depression stems from an unstable home life. Now I have my own stable home that I built myself. I still get depressive episodes but for the most part I'm happy. I think the best advice I can give to teens in depression is that you can beat it, you just need to make your own life.

Heidi-Maria · Answer

Never planned on making it past 20 so I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Still have severe depression but its better than it was.

Janina Nacht · Answer

I'd tell myself to get on medication sooner. I spent years refusing medication. It wasn't until I turned 28 that I started taking meds, and it has completely changed my life.

Laura Schreiber · Answer

""There are so so soo much things in the whole wide world that can give you Life. Give it time and chance. Don't dread on your current 'sad', 'meaningless' and 'depressing' life." "

FRIDA · Answer

It never got better. Even that time when you thought that you went through hell and made it out alive, it wasn't anything. You'd gladly go through another three years of that if it meant voiding the worst thing that ever happened to me.  I wouldn't recommend for you to go on like I chose to, but if you decide to hold onto hope, don't be afraid. Take risks, take good care of yourself and make smart choices.

Butch · Answer

I so identify with this. I've been so broken for so long I don't even know if I want to be fixed anymore. We just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Roanne · Answer

You did well. You didn't give up and you saved yourself. All those hardships made the strong person you are now, so do not feel ashamed of your past and keep going.

Lefty · Answer

Ignore what everyone else thinks and does and do what makes you happy. Also, medication can work very well if you find one that works for you. I went through at least 5 before I found one that really made me happy.

malin · Answer

Bittersweet. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact things have gotten so much better. There are so many amazing things that I've been able to do that I never thought I would. There's just still this deep set part of me that says I don't deserve any of it. If I could tell my younger self anything, it's that she should really stop caring about what anyone else thinks. Also that every single people she goes to school with will cut off communication after graduation, so stop giving a shit about anyone else now. Edit: this year is now seven more than I thought I'd get to.

Ros-Maj · Answer

On the plus side, I'm here. I've lived, I've laughed, I've found family and love. I have found a wonderful therapist, and the dark days are surprisingly less dense.  But I can't help but also point out that I'm absolutely underaccomplished. My friends are getting degrees and good jobs and I'm just...here. I never planned on making it this far, so I never really cared for my future. That future is here now, and I've sorta fucked myself. I hope I can pick up the pieces in time and do something grand with my life, now that I'm committed to living it. I'd definitely yell at younger me to do all I could, if I had the chance.

Jovelyn · Answer

I'll give the fucker a list and tell him(me) to don't make the same mistakes I did, make better choices and stay away from certain people.  (I'd preferably want to talk to him(me) before he discovers the world of porn, Man do I regret knowing about porn)

Doralin · Answer

It feels good to realize that the things I was so worried about did not really matter. I would tell my younger self that, with time and counseling and experience, that I would be happy and it would all be OK. That I would grow up to be the kind of adult that I wish I'd had at that stage and would work with teenagers.

Eve · Answer

I'd tell my young self that I'd meet my soulmate and wed get married Young me never thought itd happen.

LUBA · Answer

""You're right kid, life sucks like hell. But you're alive and can feel pleasure, so wring every last drop of enjoyment and happiness that you can out of this bullshit. To be happy you're going to have to claw and fight and hold on with every ounce of your being, and it'll be hard, but you only get one existence."  "also, weed helps a LOT." "

Remus · Answer

I would tell me to shed my nasty brothers and father sooner. You will become a great mother and raise great children ! I am good at something.

Manija · Answer

It's a fucking trip. Because I expected to be dead long before 30, and because of adhd, I fucked everything up, never planned for the future, and left it all to chance. Didn't fuck with school until my late 20s, didn't save, didn't bother with maintaining my credit and let debts pile up, never worked a job more than a few months, etc.  Now I'm 33 and fixing a lot of shit that I should have never let get broke in the first place. I'm way happier and more stable than ever though. Getting diagnosed and treated for adhd was the best thing I ever did. My depression and anxiety, which are common companions of adhd, are basically gone. Therapy is the best thing ever. So I guess I'd tell my younger self to get help, get your adhd diagnosed and treated. Get therapy and medication as early as you can. Learn to manage money and think of the future. You might just make it there.

Sikke · Answer

Former suicidal cutter here. Spent my 20th birthday in a mental hospital for attempting a bridge jump on an overpass. Got hooked on heroin and made a lot of other poor decisions. I didn't know what joy and beauty this world could offer through both the lessons I learned in retrospect, and the relationships that I almost lost out on. Now that I'm married, parent of a teenager and a toddler, managed to buy my first house and keep a job for over the last decade, I wish that I could've told my younger self that not only do things get better, but reach out for help sooner. Learn not only from your own mistakes, but try to learn from others as well. You can save yourself a lot of heartache by paying attention to others experiences. I'd also stress that the choices you make early in life become the habits that may benefit or plague you for literally the rest of your life. try to enjoy it, it's short enough on it's own.

Angelika Eggers · Answer

Survived an attempt at age 15. I would tell myself to wait for tomorrow. If tomorrow sucks, wait for the next day or the one after that. Even if there's one great day ahead, that one day could make up for all the bad ones. Stop putting your faith in other people and instead believe in yourself, become your own best friend. You are stronger than you know. Edit: Wow. Woke up to gold - thank you, kind stranger! This week is the 12th anniversary of my attempt and I've been doing a lot of self reflection lately. Life isn't perfect but, some days, it is pretty damn great. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I hope you all have many great days ahead.

Rowland · Answer

I don't know. I never thought I'd get this far.

PALMIRA · Answer

It feels pretty great, honestly. Life hasn't gone the direction I thought it would, even taking into account that I once tried to end my life. But I've ended up in a good place. I'd tell the young me not to do anything differently. To become who I am and still continue to become, I had to be her first.  edit: Obligatory thanks for the gold!  edit 2: Since there's some confusion from a few, I did not mean that having depression is a good thing. I encourage anyone with suicidal thoughts/plans or dealing with depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc to seek treatment. That's one of the things I did on my path to being me. What I meant by this quick post was that I've had to learn to be at peace with my past and to accept that those experiences that weren't so wonderful, and indeed sucked horribly, are a part of me. Denying that is something I used to do, but it wasn't fair to myself.

natasa · Answer

"College is better than high school. And don't worry about not achieving milestones "in time". Who cares if you don't have your first kiss until you're 21? Stop putting so much pressure on yourself in life and in school. Take it easy, kiddo. "

Benli · Answer

Honestly, the only reason I'm here is because I don't have the balls to kill myself. I feel like a failure, for many reasons but this is one of them.

assia · Answer

What's it like? Not to be a downer, but it's the exact same except now I have responsibilities.... so I guess it's actually worse. What would I tell myself? Stop being so responsible- it's keeping you from living your life.

Autumn · Answer

Pretty much what everyone else has said. The depression never fully goes away. For me it has been kind of like getting the flu, everything is just great for a record amount of time and then something suddenly sets it off and I go down fast. But as an adult you have a lot more freedoms in your life and tools to deal with depression I didn't have as a kid. I think the main thing is that as a husband and father I am able to deal with things in my own way and recover in a healthier matter. When I was a kid in my parents house there was an expectation that I HAD to be fine all the time- Depression was a problem that needed solving. Today depression is just another obstacle that I have learned how to deal with in my own way and in my own time.

Ronnie · Answer

"I'd say "Shit ain't gettin' better kid. Fair warning." "

Brigitte Theiss · Answer

I found someone who believed in me. I never thought I was good enough to go to university and my person supported me and made me change my entire outlook.  If you don't have someone supporting you, please, get so angry at life that you're bent at proving everyone wrong. You are capable.

aviaya · Answer

I have been depressed for a large part of my life. Still get random flashes of suicidal ideation. I'd tell myself to exercise more because that helps and to try drugs (recreational and medical, just to see how it feels to think differently) and let people in. Do things that make you happy/content and if there's something bothering you confront it or get the heck out of the situation. Dying is always a choice, but not being dead is not. You're going to die anyway so you might as well see what this life thing is about. It's pretty fucking great once you know what you like about it. Edit: qualified drug use. Lol

Madison · Answer

"Surviving and living are two different things. Keeping your head above water is different than swimming to shore. Just surviving isn't enough. Living is. So live.  Edit: I am aware this isn't life advice applicable to everyone's circumstances, it's what I would've told my younger self as the question initially posed. For context, I was stuck in survival mode and for good reason, for that time.  I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I became painfully aware of the difference between the two. It's not intended as a fix that undermines mental health struggles, or a "snap out of it and just be happy" ism. Got love for you all.  "

Adults who were depressed kids or teens, what is it like to be here when you didn’t expect to make it this far? What would you tell your younger self if you could?

Blakelee

Cesya

Chantal

Clare

Jean

Johnette

Lucila

Madelin

Noell

Rayshell